I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize