Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize