The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
