I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
