i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
