Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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