Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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