Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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