Soap is not a condiment
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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