I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
