he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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