its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
