Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I died a long time ago.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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