come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
