How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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