Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
