if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
