I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
