what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
