I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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