Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
