'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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