wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
