I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
