So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
