is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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