To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
