I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
