Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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