i just had sex bonerless
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
