"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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