I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
