you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
