I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
