she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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