It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
