Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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