I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
