last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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