Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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