somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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