Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
