She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
