woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
