so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
