it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
jump out the window naked night went bad
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