you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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