yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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