The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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