Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize