I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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