so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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