i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
