woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
