Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
