I'm jealous of your bromance
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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