Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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