I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
