Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
