I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
