She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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