She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
