just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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