He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
