Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
