i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
