I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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