Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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