Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
