Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
