This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
