If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
