I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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