how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
