I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
