I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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