Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
