I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
