Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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