I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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