mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
